I find it harder and harder every day to not talk about my boyfriend every waking second.
He is, without a doubt, at this moment in my life, the most important person I know. The way he smells, his single dimple, how his facial hair grows in a patch…every single thing he does, and everything he is, means everything to me. I do not even want to imagine a day without him.
The wildest thing is that I can see the truth in his face when he tells me cares about me. I can see that he loves me when he says he loves me, and I am so thoroughly amazed that I ended up being THIS lucky, that I find it hard to keep a straight face when I hear the words come out of his mouth.
Tonight I made a joke about not wanting to deal with his back problems when we’re 30, which turned into us playfully pretending to break up, and then into him saying he doesn’t see why we wouldn’t be together at 30.
That’s 9 years from now. Some days that seems like an eternity and a whole other lifetime away, but in that moment (and even now, thinking about it), it seemed like we could be 30 tomorrow. The time could pass so quickly and I would still be with him and my life would be just as enchanted as it is now.
I am hopelessly, wholeheartedly, completely in love with this incredible human being. And he loves me, too, and there’s no other feeling in the world like this one.
Hey stupid people, lets not forget that actions in the past have consequences in the future. And that the way people treat you in the future is directly related to the way you’ve treated them in the past.
my best friend has asked me to be her date for a v. formal event, and now i have to look for a beautiful formal dress that doesn’t look like a grad dress.
i’m thinking i want to channel my inner nikita-on-a-mission-at-a-party-hosted-by-the-president, and have endeavored to online shop, BUT i don’t know where to start. so what i’m asking is if anyone would be so kind as to send me in the right direction.
who wants to help a sister to look like a fierce bitch for a night?
Anyone who knows me knows that I am the most emotional human being, ever. In high school, after things with my dad happened, I thought I could put that part of my personality to rest. I believed that if I acted tough, or if I ignored my feelings that they would actually go away. And, for a while, I believed that I had conquered my tearful. sensitive feelings. I really believed that I had created a stronghold on my emotions and had turned into the ice queen. Of course, that was a huge lie.
The older I get, the more I realize that it was such a waste of time for me. Why would I ever want to try and hide the biggest part of my personality? Of course sometimes, even now, I feel like I wish I could have a grip on my emotions. I wish that I didn’t cry whenever something bothers me…I wish that I could express myself without getting a wobbly lip, or quaver in my voice. Of course I wish that I didn’t go from 0-100 in .0001 seconds, and for the most part I have, along with acknowledging that emotionality is an enormous component of what makes me ME, learned how to direct my emotions and reactions to certain triggers. One thing I haven’t learned, though, is how to balance feeling and acting on the feelings.
That’s not to say that I fly off the handle at everything, because that’s not true. I’m pretty composed. I like to think that I’m rational…that I think things through, and I’m sure my friends would say that I’m even a little bit neurotic when it comes to making snap decisions. What I mean is that when things get to be too much, or I haven’t deal with a series of things that bother me, there comes a time when I explode. I will cry and cry and whine about things that happened when I was 15 and god help you if you think the shit you said about my body at 15 is something I’ve forgotten.
Those moments when I lose control of my head and my emotions take over…those are the moments I wish I could control myself. But even writing that I feel like I should know better; I feel like I should know that in those moments, the purest, most sincere aspect of my personality is revealed. I shouldn’t have to be embarrassed, or uneasy, or frustrated by those moments. Quite the contrary. I should be thankful that I have the capacity to fully and truly express myself…even if that means crying and sobbing and generally sounding like a fool.
Growing up is hard. Growing into yourself is hard. Learning who you are is the trickiest part of growing up, because every single thing you encounter is a new test…a new experience that molds you into the person you already are, without you even knowing.
had the sudden urge to text my boyfriend and ask him what his “perfect” girl would be like. SELF DESTRUCTIVE THOUGHTS 2K14